Remember
by hokkyokukou
Summary: Because we never realize how important something is until we lose it. And Gokudera never realized what it meant until Yamamoto's coffin was sent back to the headquarters.


I remember when I first met you.

You smiled so much that it pissed me off. With that voice that was so cheerful it hurt my ears, you said, _Yo! I'm Yamamoto Takeshi. You're Gokudera, right? You can just call me Yamamoto, hahaha!_

As if I cared what your name was. To me, you'd always be that stupid baseball idiot retard that stuck to the Tenth like a piece of shit on the bottom of a shoe.

A classy shoe.

…

I remember how you'd always elbow the Tenth. You'd get all friendly with him and sling your arm around his shoulder.

It pissed me off.

Hell, everything you did pissed me off.

You were taller than me. And more athletic. And your teeth were whiter.

But you were stupider. And completely clueless. And uglier.

That's for sure.

And despite all this, Reborn-san still let you join the Vongola family. Some tofu-for-brains like you in the Tenth's family. It should have been some top-notch assassin/bodyguard/butler/whatever the fuck else—just as long as it wasn't you.

…

I didn't like you very much.

Heh.

What am I saying.

I hated your guts.

Every opportunity I got I'd try to shove dynamite down your throat. But the Tenth didn't like that very much, so eventually I had to stop. When Reborn-san gave you that family entrance test, I really hoped that you'd die—but you did pretty well.

…

I never said that.

Che.

All you ever did was smile. And crack lame jokes. And act like you didn't have a single care in the world. Were you just dumb?

…

I guess so.

You were completely useless. Like the baseball idiot that you were, you were only good at baseball. You did nothing but smile, laugh, eat, swing around your stupid little bat, shit, sleep, fail your tests, piss me off, and occasionally save the Tenth's life, but that's besides the point, because the point is that I hated your fucking guts.

Maybe the one thing I can say you did well was saving the Tenth from that weird as fuck animal Kokuyo bastard. And winning your ring battle. And saving us all from that mist freak Daemon.

And bringing good lunches.

Not that I ever admitted it, but your lunches were really good.

I'd go over to your sushi place from time to time. I'd say _hello_ and _the usual_ to your dad. And when he'd ask me about how you were doing in school, I'd just scoff and stuff sushi into my mouth. And he'd smile. He has the same smile as you did.

Like father, like son.

…

It made me kind of jealous to see your relationship with your dad. Because I never had one like that…

Not that I give a fuck.

We grew up. Side by side, we fought together. We competed for the title of the right hand man, even though everyone knew that I was the only person fit for that position (I might've threatened some people into thinking that along the way). And then even after five years of being in the family, the words _haha, this is a really fun game!_ and _are we playing a game now?_ and _wow these are some pretty serious toys!_ kept coming out of your mouth.

…

How stupid can you get?

…

…

I thought you were really dumb.

…

…

…

No, I think the correct thing to say is "you are dumber than the dumbest person on planet earth and probably in the universe, but I have yet to prove that because I have not contacted any extraterrestrial beings as of yet."

Che.

But that was before I read that little journal you left open on your desk one night. I had called you out because the Tenth needed to talk to you and I saw the book on your desk. I thought it was amazing that an idiot like you knew how to read, so I went in to see what you were reading…

Well… what can I say? I never thought you'd pretend you thought this was all a game to keep us from worrying. "I'll keep on saying that this is a game even though I know it isn't… even though I've known it hasn't been since Byakuran. Maybe I even knew before then… but if I say I know, Tsuna will worry and tell me to just go back to a normal life. I don't want that. It's better if he thinks that I'm in for the fun, and that I don't think it's dangerous at all. So I'll continue being, as Gokudera puts it haha, 'a brainless baseball idiot' for now…" was it?

Maybe you weren't so stupid.

Yeah. We grew up. We fought that batshit crazy mist freak Mukuro and that lunatic Xanxus. We got blasted into the future (I was with the Tenth first) and fought that psycho Byakuran. Against Shimon, we battled, and after that came the Arcobaleno fight…

I guess you could say we'd been through a lot together.

Then, FINALLY, the Tenth became the true boss. As always, he looked cool standing up in front of all those families. I was on his right side, and you were on his left. It was an incredibly moving moment. In fact, the Tenth was so moved that his entire body was shaking and he couldn't speak at all. Tears were even streaming out of his eyes. Tenth, you are truly a compassionate man…!

We went on missions together. I'd get mad at you for eating all the provisions. And then I'd get even madder at you when you got caught by the enemy. And then I blew up at you when you went and nearly died on me after I went and saved your ass just like I've always had to.

…

I remember that time.

They tortured you pretty badly, huh?

And yet you still smiled.

Peh.

Freak.

Eventually I just got so mad that even the Tenth noticed, so he just sent you off on your own.

…

I minded my own business for a few days.

We got a couple of messages from some scouts about how you were doing.

"Yamamoto Takeshi seems to be in high spirits."

"Yamamoto Takeshi is nearing the enemy hideout."

"Yamamoto Takeshi looks really sexy when he comes right out of the shower."

…

I remember that message. The Tenth choked on his coffee and I didn't even notice for a full minute because I was so shocked that someone would say something like that about an ugly idiot like you.

Che.

Crazy fangirls.

The scouts were sending us a lot of shit while you were out on your mission.

Rings.

Papers.

Documents.

Photos, portraits, guns, swords.

A dog.

A bird.

Your body.

…

…

…

I didn't believe it until I ripped the cover off that coffin. Until I saw you lying in that bed of white-as-bone roses they kindly took the time to prepare. Until I saw your pale mouth set into a—a I don't even know what. A grim line? A frown? I don't even—

…

It must have been the first time I had ever wanted to see you smile.

_Smile, damn you! Smile! _

…_smile…_

…_please…_

…_smile._

You never did.

And I guess you won't ever again.

…

…

I remember back when we had those ring battles.

I had just lost mine and our fates literally rested in your hands.

I planned on skipping your match, but heh…

I found myself worrying.

…for the Tenth of course. Not you.

I remember when we both got mad as fuck at each other in the future. And we smashed each other up a bit. And then we somehow became not-quite-almost-but-practically-friends.

And then that bastard Gamma fucked us up so badly that that other bastard Hibari had to come and save our sorry asses.

I remember waking up and the first thing I thought about was how you were dead. And how it was all my fault. And how maybe if I hadn't been so fucked up in the head at the time, you would've still been alive.

And then the Tenth came rushing in and told me you were still alive.

…

It's my fault this time, too, isn't it? If I hadn't gotten so angry, I would've gone on that mission with you and saved your ass, just as I've always had to do. And then maybe this time as well the Tenth would've come rushing in and told me you were still alive.

…

You tried becoming my friend. But I had never had a friend in my life. Unless you count that perverted doctor as a friend, but I don't. I pushed you away. I wanted you to just fuck off and leave me alone. But you never gave up.

I remember you, the Tenth, and I would all go over to your house sometimes after school. We'd say hi to your dad and then head upstairs to your room. We'd play video games and board games and tell ghost stories in the dark sometimes.

We'd do all the stuff normal hormonal teenage boys are supposed to do when they're in high school.

It was fun—I mean, it was a mildly okay time killer.

And then sometimes, you'd drag just me home with you. I was forced to go over to your house even more after you found out that I was living alone in an apartment on the sixteenth floor.

We'd talk about…

Stuff.

Like your last baseball tournament. Or how that Longchamp freak came and popped into your room like a freak in the middle of the night.

Or like how you wanted to have a family. Two kids, four kids, you didn't care how many. You'd teach them all baseball and kendo and whatever else they needed to learn. You'd appoint me godfather (_what the fuck, I don't want to be godfather to stupid kids)_ and make me tutor them in math (_what the hell!)_. You'd take them to the mountains and the beach and have snowball fights and build sandcastles and you'd play catch with them.

…

Isn't this the kind of stuff women talk about?

Che.

…

I guess I won't be becoming godfather for your kids anytime soon.

…

_Heh… and I was looking forward to smashing some math formulas into their baseball-filled brains. Heh. Hehehe._

…_Che._

What am I doing? Laughing like this with wet crap coming out of my eyes.

You bastard.

I hated you. Abhorred you. I despised your guts.

And yet, here I am standing in front of your grave like a pathetic loser.

_Why did you have to fucking leave?_

…

…

Shit.

I guess I shouldn't have kicked your tombstone that hard.

You… you won't come back and haunt me as a spirit, will you! Right? I'm sorry for kicking over your gravestone! Look, it's back up, a little crooked, but it looks as good as new.

…Maybe it would be better if you came back as a ghost. Peh. Some ghost you'd make. A shitty spirit that smiles all the time and scares no one. But at least you'd be here.

_Come back, bastard._

…

Ow, damn, that hurt my toe this time. I have dirt in my shoe, too.

Damn you.

…

Damn you.

…

…

_Bastard._

Why did you have to go and die like that?

Just after you had taken me by surprise and had said…

_Oh! Him and me? We're best friends, isn't that right?_

But that wasn't surprising in itself… you had said that god damn phrase god-knows-how-many-times already…

It was just that…

I had answered _Uh… sure._

…

…

I thought that maybe after you came back from your mission, I could _maybe_ spare some time hang out with my 'friend.'

…Aside from the Tenth, you would be my first friend.

…

Baseball idiot.

Why did you have to go?

Or really, shouldn't I be saying…

_Why was I so slow to realize?_

Che.

And after I had gotten all mad at you, too.

_Sorry…_

You always tried to get me to open my heart to someone other than the Tenth. And just when you had succeeded, you had to leave.

…

…

Why do I always do everything wrong?

Why hadn't I seen it before?

You may be stupid…

But you're still…

My friend.

…

…

…

…

_Good-bye._

_Rest well._

* * *

><p>inspired by: http:  /i. imgur. com/7aSnt. jpg remove the spaces. I've no idea who the author is because my sister sent it to me like this… but it's not mine!

Thanks for reading :) Hope you enjoyed ^_^


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